Until Love Comes Again
by GracelessLady
Summary: Lily is killed in Voldemort's attack on the Potter house, but James is not. Will he be able to deal with the cruel hand that fate served him and learn to live and love again. SBJP SiriusxJames, slash
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: This is the work of the brilliant J.K. Rowling, not me.

**A/N Hey all, I know I should finish one story before starting the next, but you know... Anyway, I hope you enjoy this **

**Just a quick warning this fic contains a little Dumbledore!bashing, a character death and eventually slash**

James knew the second there was a bang on the door. Nobody had called at the Potter's house before letting them know in advance for over a year. Ice slid through his veins as he yelled at Lily to take Harry and run. Deliberately he stepped towards the door, knowing that any breath could be his last. He felt almost as if he were a spectator, merely observing the activities of his own life. Even as he pressed his weight against the door, he knew it was useless: a pathetic attempt at resistance.

Voldemort laughed, with a flick of his wand the door blew open slamming the weak body of James Potter though the plaster into the next room. Paying the rubble no mind, Voldemort stepped over the threshold of the house, the soft crying of an infant turned his red, snake-like eyes to the ceiling and he smiled.

Sirius paced the room one more time, despite the roaring fire in the room he felt freezing cold. He knew something was wrong. He grabbed his coat and apparated the minute he left his front door. He could see the smoke rising in billowing clouds over the small town. Fear clenched his very being, breaking into a run he finally made it to the wreckage that had once been the Potter's house.

"James," His voice sounded wrong, torn and tattered as if he had been yelling for hours.

Kneeling to the ground he started digging through the rubble, ignoring the cuts and abrasions made to his fine hands. Finally he uncovered the body of James Potter amongst the debris, lifting his head gently onto his lap, Sirius's shaking hands felt his filthy neck for a pulse. With the faint, but existent jumping under his finger tips Sirius let out the breath his hadn't realised he was holding.

"Thank God, thank god..." Sirius whispered in a soft mantra, cradling James's body in his lap.

James's dreamless sleep was abruptly interrupted by a sudden return of his senses, quickly followed by the pain of being buried under a pile of plaster and bricks only hours ago. Wishing he could return to the painless blackness of his unconsciousness but knowing he couldn't, James forced his eyes open. Looking around the sterile white room of a hospital the memories came flooding back accompanied by an intense fear.

"James, you're awake." Someone stated to his left. Following the voice, James's gaze met the placid blue eyes of his old headmaster.

"Dumbledore?" James questioned, pulling himself into a sitting position, he grunted against the onslaught of pain the action had brought.

"No don't get up for me." Dumbledore chuckled, but made no move to stop him.

"Where's Lily, Harry?" James said frantically, ignoring Dumbledore's comments.

"Harry is just fine, I left him with Professor McGonagall only an hour ago."

"Lily?" James demanded.

"I'm sorry." Cold drenched James's heart, his beautiful wife, the love of his life, gone.

"Sirius?" James croaked calling after the only person whom he could even hope would help to ease his grief.

Here the old professor's gaze hardened. "No need to worry, Mr Black is getting exactly what he deserves."

James regarded him strangely until the concept clicked into place.

"No, no. You've got it wrong. Sirius... we switched secret keepers', it's Peter who... You need to get Sirius back, he's innocent." James said quickly, he needed his best friend now more than ever. "Where is he?" James demanded frantically.

At that moment a nurse stepped into the room. Giving Dumbledore a dirty look, she walked over to James. "Here just pain killing potion for you dear." Returning her gaze to the headmaster, she said sternly, "And you, I warned you not upset him."

Gratefully taking the potion, James ignored the conversation between Dumbledore and the nurse, until the nurse left the room again in a huff. Turning back to Dumbledore, James took in his confused expression.

"You switched?"

"We decided Sirius was too obvious. And they, quite honestly, had too much leverage, half his family are death eaters. Not that he would betray us even if that had happened, I just didn't want to put him in that position."

Dumbledore regarded him somewhat disbelievingly. "Peter?...James I think you are a bit confused, you were discovered in Sirius's presence he has probably cast some sort of charm on you."

"You really think he's a death eater?" James said with a deadpan expression.

"When you consider his family, as you said, they..."

James interrupted the old man furiously. "You honestly think that if he was on that side I would follow him?"

Shock gripped Dumbledore, until he realise the statement for what it was, a declaration of absolute unwavering loyalty.

"Sirius would never, ever betray me."

The nurse burst back into the room. "I warned you." She said angrily ushering a speechless Dumbledore out of the room.

"Sorry dear." She said, closing the door behind Dumbledore's retreating back. "You must be in a lot of pain."

James smiled softly at the woman's fussing.

"I know I'm not allowed to get up, but can I send some mail." He asked smiling a charmingly as he could manage with so much grief and anger swirling around in his head.

"Of course, dear, I'll just pop off and get you some parchment."

Twisting his bowler hat in his hands the new minister of magic looked up. He may not be the brightest person, but he certainly knew when an opportunity presented itself. Schooling his features to an expression of solemnity, he spoke.

"Is that so? That is shocking, well we will have to fix that immediately, injustice is the worst sin of a legal system."

James looked at him gratefully. Fudge didn't know if he completely believed the young Potter's story, but the promise of having him as ally was exciting and it wasn't as if other former death eaters had not been release due to the political climate. James Potter and his tiny son were the heroes of the wizarding world; their cooperation would do wonders for his office.

"Thank you so much."

"Not a problem, me' boy. You have had enough hardship thrust upon you. And we will get right onto procuring that Pettigrew boy."

Shaking hands with minister James smiled for the first time in days. "Thank you, I won't forget this."

Fudge brushed the comment off, but his mind filled in the words he left unspoken _I'm counting on it_.

James didn't think he would ever forget the flood of relief that accompanied Sirius's appearance as he was escorted into the hospital by a beaming Minister. Forgetting his still tender injuries James folded himself into Sirius's tight embrace, smelling Sirius's familiar smell under the layers of grim James finally felt the weight of the grief he had pushed to the back his mind; the sleepless nights and lonely hours catching up to him. Tears slid from his eyes freely collecting on Sirius's filthy robes.

Finally the pair pulled away remembering the other member of the room. James quickly wiped his eyes, hoping to remove the bulk of his tears.

"Thank you again, Minister."

"I should be thanking you and your family for saving our way of life." Fudge replied seriously, bowing his head and exiting the room.

James watched him leave, before returning his eyes to Sirius's deep grey ones. Already the horrors of a few days in Azkaban had damped their lively spirit. He noted that Sirius had been watching the minister leave, however his expression was less open.

"You don't like him?" James questioned, slightly amused, only Sirius could take a dislike to the person that had help him get out of jail.

"Not really, I think he's after something. Just be careful."

James chuckled, wrapping his arms around his friend again. For most males it would have seemed out of place, however for Sirius and James it was just how they were and had always been. James rested his head on Sirius's shoulder, their similarity in heights making this position comfortable.

"How are you doing?" Sirius's deep familiar voice whispered in his ear.

James shook his head, "I've been trying not to think about it. How do you move after something like this?"

James pulled back, his dark brown eyes burning into Sirius's, begging him for a solution that he knew was impossible.

"You're strong Prongs, you'll get through this. I promise you." Sirius's voice was so full of conviction that James found himself believing every word letting the sentiment warm his cold heart, if only for a few minutes.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thanks to those who commented, here's the next chapter I just can't seem to get this story out of my head. Btw sorry in advance if this chapter is a bit depressing, don't worry it will get better after this. Enjoy! And please comment.**

Harry whined softly into his fathers' shoulder, the strangeness of the last couple of days frighting him despite the warm comforting hand on his back. Privet Drive looked exactly as James's had imagined it would, sighing about the boring scenery; James made his way up the driveway of one of the identically looking houses. Knocking on the door he waited as the soft scurrying of movement made its way to the front door.

Petunia Dursley, James decided, was the exact opposite of her sister, and not in a good way. He felt his heart go out to his young son as he handed him reluctantly over to her bony embrace, and headed to the house next door. He knew he really didn't have a choice, there was really nowhere safer for his young son then in the arms of that prissy woman and Dumbledore had made it clear that Harry had to actually live with the Dursley's for the magic to remain binding.

It was six o'clock in the evening when James looked out the window of his new house to see a commotion going on over the road. Sure enough, as previous experience would dictate, a tall slender young man with shoulder length ebony hair was in the thick of it. Rolling his eyes, but feeling his mood brighten James left the dirt dishes he had been tending to in the sink and went outside.

"Hey, James." Sirius said, upon seeing him crossing the road.

"What on earth are you doing?" James said looking at the lawn covered in furniture which the suspiciously blank looking muggles were dragging out of the house.

"Well it just so happens that this family were thinking of moving elsewhere, and I wanted to move here so we decided to just do it now. Convenient, eh?"

"Mmm," James agreed, not believing a word of it. But the thought of having Sirius directly across the road from him so improved his chances of being happy in Surrey that he decided against voicing his moral outrage.

James watched the family pack up the rest of their belongings and depart; feeling a tad guilty, despite Sirius's assurance that he had, in fact, found them a lovely place just up the road.

Sirius watched from James's bed as James straightened his tie in front of the mirror. The bright sunny day outside seemed to mock them. James nodded to Sirius, his lips tightly pursed Sirius could see the effort he was putting into keeping his emotions in check. Sirius picked a giggling Harry up; his laughter seemed surreal in the silence of the bare house compared the comfort of the Potter's home in Godric's Hollow.

Sirius drove, sending nervous glance back at James at regular intervals. He knew he would give practically anything to relieve the uneasy creases that lined his young skin, but it was too late and it was ultimately his suggestion that put them there. Looking away, Sirius felt a wave of nausea engulf him, his stupidity and overconfidence had killed a young mother and destroyed his best friend's life and his godson's family.

Once they arrived, Sirius quickly excused himself as James went to exchange words with the minister. After throwing up his breakfast in the gutter down the road, Sirius still felt revolted by himself, but found his way to James's side regardless, the least he could do was be there for his friend after he had ruined his life.

Sirius recognised the set of James's jaw, as he hoisted the coffin onto his shoulder at the same time as Sirius, it was look he had worn kneeling before his parents' grave. Sirius set his gaze to the front of the room, pacing slowly up the corridor people's faces upturned at him, but his gaze slid past unseeingly. Lily was gone, the beautiful, smart, kind, and forgiving witch who had captivated James's heart had moved onto the next life, but without her soul mate who was destined to live his out his existence in the hope of seeing her again soon.

_It should have been me._ Sirius thought as he gently placed the coffin on the altar. James should never have to live without Lily. Together they took their seats at the front of the small chapel; the same chapel Lily had always exclaimed was so quaint when they had walked past it. James sat straight backed through the ceremony, barely breathing. Sirius tuned out the words, they were meaningless Lily had been so much more than mere words spoken by someone who had barely met her could express.

It wasn't til the sun had dipped over the horizon and only a few guests still milled around fighting the onslaught of cold wind brought on by the lack of sunshine, Harry had been taken back with the Dursley asleep in his car seat, that James moved forward. Clutched in his shaking hand was a single white lily, it was beautiful in its fragility just like Lily herself had once been. He knelt down reverently on the grass in front of the lowered coffin, reaching down he lightly ran his fingers of his free hand lightly across the mahogany wood of the coffin. Sirius stood silently beside him, breathing deeply trying to keep the strength in his stance.

Tenderly James place the flower upon the coffin, as soon as his fingers left the stem he started shake, bending himself into a small ball and burying his hand in his hands. His sobs were near silent but gut wrenchingly deep. Sirius moved forward uncertainly, his heart breaking at James's distress, gently he placed a comforting hand upon his friend's shaking shoulder.

It felt like hours, days went by while as James let his grief vent. The only thing keeping him grounded was Sirius's warm palm resting upon his shoulder. Finally there were no more tears left, James stood weakly, gratefully using Sirius as a crutch. That night James finally slept through the night, his hand enclosed in Sirius who lay sleeping silently next to him, James could almost pretend they were back at Hogwarts.

James smiled as he made his way over to Sirius's place. He had spent the day at the park with Harry, who had been thrilled to ride the swings and run around with his toy quaffle. Watching his young son with his bright intelligent green eyes remind James that Lily was still alive in one form at least.

"Ready for my delicious meal?" Sirius asked grandly, as he let James in.

"You mean take out." James retorted rolling his eyes, even since Hogwarts the only things Sirius seemed to live off were firewhiskey and apples.

Sirius opened his mouth looking horrified. "I'll have you know I can cook just as well as the next person."

"You didn't actually attempt to cook, did you?" James said looking terrified.

"Jerk," Sirius said haughtily. "Besides you'll regret it when I'm eating my wonderful dinner and you're be eating fried grease."

James laughed.

"Want a butterbeer?" Sirius asked disappearing into the kitchen.

After answering to the affirmative James entered into the living room where a single lonely couch and a Sirius's prized record player populated the large carpeted area. Lying down on the couch, James smiled to himself, despite the sparse furnishing the place had already taken on a sort of Sirius-y feel, enough for James to relax into the folds of the couch.

Sirius gently placed the bottles on the carpet next to the couch. James lifted his upper body up briefly letting Sirius sit down before settling his head onto Sirius's lap. Sirius's fingers automatically leapt to curl into his messy hair.

"How are you doing?" Sirius asked gently.

James sighed. "Ok, I guess. It's better since the funeral, but I miss her, you know?"

"Yeah," Sirius breathed.

"I just can't help wondering what sort of higher power decides to get rid of the perfect mother and leaves the reckless father to raise the child."

"You're a great father, Prongs." Sirius said his voice strong with conviction.

"Even you've changed more diapers than me." James argued.

"I'm pretty sure there is more to fatherhood then changing diapers correctly. Anyway don't you have what's-her-name to do that now?"

"She's not a house elf, Siri," James replied laughter in his voice.

"Pity."

James was silent for a while studying the clean room. "You don't have to do this you know."

"Do what?" Sirius asked absentmindedly stroking James's hair.

"Well, I know Privet Drive isn't exactly your scene. You don't have to stay because you feel guilty, not that you have anything to guilty about."

Sirius regarded James frowning for a second. "That's not why I'm here. You know I can't stay away from you, I'm just pathetic like that I guess." Sirius finished his tone light, but James could hear the seriousness behind it.

"Ok." Looking up at Sirius's fine aristocratic features chiselled from generations of careful breeding James could understand why the girls at school had been so obsessed with him. He smiled warmly into Sirius's dark grey eyes trying to put all his love for the other man into the one look.

Sirius smiled back, and for a moment the world seem to glow with his beauty.

James's watched beeped to remind him it was midnight. Looking up at Sirius's face he was exceedingly reluctant to leave, sighing he lifted himself of the couch.

"It's midnight, I should probably, you know..." James said lamely, his mind crying out for him not to leave, he really didn't want to spend another sleepless night alone in his bed.

Sirius tilted his head. "You don't have to. I think I have a spare tooth brush if you want."

James grinned in relief; following Sirius's directions he found his way to the upstairs bathroom, sure enough in the second draw of the white vanity was a new gold toothbrush. James's eyes followed up the cabinet were he could see Sirius's red toothbrush, smiling he felt his memory go back to the Hogwarts days when they had colour coded their tooth brushes, Sirius had always had red and James had always had gold, the Gryffindor colours.

James finished in the bathroom only to be replaced by Sirius and stripping to his boxes and borrowing one of Sirius's numerous t-shirts James curled up under the covers. The comforting smell of Sirius engulfed him, bringing back vivid memories of summertimes past, pranking and laughter. He felt the mattress depress and the heard light switched off. In the dark James reached out blindly. Finally finding Sirius's warm hand he interlaced his fingers through Sirius's, they were different to the fine feminine fingers he was use to, but as he drifted into a nightmare-less sleep James found that he could live with that.


End file.
